Can you help me with my separation?

 In divorce, Self-care, Separation

The short answer to this is yes – of course I can (maybe)…. but there are a few things we need to talk about before we get to that answer.

First and foremost for me to help you with your separation, you need to sure that you want to separate.  I spoke with a lady recently who wanted to organise a mediation but the more I spoke to her the more her language changed and it became apparent that she wasn’t sure.  Yes she was frustrated with the uncertainty but I could tell (and she later confirmed) that if they could work through their issues then she would like that.  Here is where I then gave her the names of people who I trust could help her with this, one of them being Fiona Lukeis.  One of the things that I love about Fiona’s Relateable program is that it doesn’t require both of you to do it.  You can do it by yourself.  I am currently doing the program myself and I am finding it really rewarding.

Second you need to want a resolution.  You need to want to get an agreement at the mediation and not see mediation as a “step” in the process.  If you are invested in getting an outcome you will move heaven and earth to make it happen. If, however, you see it at a step you are more likely to give up at the first hurdle. Unfortunately there are many hurdles in a separation and it takes commitment to overcome them and find solutions that may not always be apparent from the outset.

Third you need to be able to take responsibility for your actions.  Each of us has a role to play in the breakdown of our relationships and it is important that we own that and not look to place the blame solely on the other person. I have spoken to many people over the course of my work and so often they start with “she never did…” “he never did…” “I always had to …” Yet when you drill down on the “never’s” and “always” you learn that is often not correct. Yes one person may have carried the responsibility more, but then it is likely that the other person carried the responsibility for other aspects more as well. Remember that.

Finally, you value time and expertise.  If you can value your time, my time and the expertise that I will bring to the table then I am certain I will be able to help you with your separation.

If you have said yes to all of the above, when you are ready to take the next step, I am ready to do that with you.

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