Don’t get even…. get better!

 In divorce, Self-care, Separation

Recently there were stories recounting the details of a couple who had spent an extraordinary amount of money of their divorce. For most, the amount of money spent on the divorce is of a level that they can only dream of. Whether it is true or not the stories that were being circulated focussed on the fact that one party wanted more than anything to “prove” the other was lying. Whether that is true or not in this instance – I do not know. I do not know the facts or issues that they were faced with. And this article isn’t about passing judgement on that case.

What I want to share with you here is my experience. I have spent a lot of time working with people who want to fight “just because”.

Just because they shouldn’t have hurt them.

Just because they shouldn’t have treated them they way they did.

Just because if they can’t have “it” then no-one can.

The problem is all of these “just because” reasons are nothing but excuses and if you try hard enough no matter what situation you are faced with you will always be able to come up with a “just because”.

At the end of the day excuses don’t help anyone – especially you. Excuses mean you are not facing the facts – not confronting what it is that you really need to confront – your own feelings and emotions. It isn’t nice and it can be down right scary to have to come face to face with what you are feeling at the end of a relationship (no matter how it ended). If you get over that though there is so much to be learnt. Truly you can go on a discovery of unknown proportions. You can find yourself in an imaginary place where you can discover what you like, really don’t like, your own flaws that other’s will have to learn to live with, flaws of others that you can’t live with. Beyond that though there is a world of discovery to be done on what makes you happy and what doesn’t.

I genuinely believe that our paths of discovery in identifying what we don’t like and what doesn’t make us happy is so much more important than knowing what does. When you know what you don’t like – then there you have an instant deal breaker which ultimately means you save yourself time and energy.

If you need help to discover this for yourself register here for our short “discover you” course.

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Articulating your emotions