How to prepare for your mediation

 In Conflict Resolution, FDRP, Mediation

Would you like to know 5 things you can do to prepare for your mediation?

If you do then you are in the right place. Why? Because, I am asked these questions all the time. Questions like:

  • What should I expect at a mediation? or
  • What can I do to prepare?

Why should I prepare for mediation?

Unfortunately I know that not everyone who has done a mediation has been prepared. Yet, in most cases they have walked out wishing they did prepare. Because they didn’t know what to expect, how it would run and what they could do. This left them feeling railroaded, overwhelmed and caught off guard.

This is not ok! The outcome from a parenting or property mediation is huge. You are there to make an agreement about what happens with your kids or who gets what when it comes to your assets. Either way, something that makes a big impact for you and what happens in the future. Hence, it makes no sense if you go in unprepared.

Whether your mediation is about parenting or property doesn’t matter because, the outcome will determine what you can do moving forward. Remember, you wouldn’t walk into a job interview unprepared so don’t go into a mediation unprepared. You have a lot more riding on it.

To help you with this here are 5 things you can do to prepare for your mediation.

  1. Forget the evidence -mediation is not about what you can prove and your mediator is not there to take sides or tell the other person they are lying.  Proof is not going to get you anywhere productive. If anything it is only going to keep you caught up in the past injustices which is not going to help you move forward.
  2. Start by thinking now about what you want & WHY you want it. Remember, why you want something is just as important as what you want as it will help you create an agreement you can live with.
  3. Start thinking now about what is a non-negotiable. And don’t tell me that everything is a non negotiable.  Because, if you are going to say this – you are not ready for a mediation! There has to be some give and take when it comes to mediation – it is unrealistic to think and expect that you will get everything you want.
  4. Prepare to hear things that hurt. In a mediation, it is not unusual for the other party to say something to upset you. So prepare for this.  If you need to, speak with a counsellor, psychologist or coach beforehand and put into place strategies that you can use to deflect and let go of those comments.  They aren’t helpful. In fact, most of the time they are there to throw you off your game. 
  5. Start listening now. Often people feel like they need to know what the other party wants before the mediation starts. And then get frustrated when they aren’t forthcoming. One way around this is to start listening now. If you start listening to what the other person is saying now you might get an idea for what they are wanting and why it is important to them.  By doing this, it will actually help you to prepare for your mediation.

Stay focussed on why you are at mediation

Remember, mediation isn’t about making sure you get what you want – there will need to be some give and take.

Ultimately, the question you need to ask yourself when you are creating an agreement in mediation is:

Can I live with this agreement?

If you can, you have an agreement you should be proud of.

So if you have a mediation scheduled and you haven’t yet prepared need help preparing for your mediation you can schedule a time with me here.

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